I stood in the hall and cried.

True story. 

This was at a nearby college. I had signed up to take a graduate class in writing, but I stood outside the doorway thinking, “I’m not good enough.”

I had earned a Master of Divinity degree. God had called me when I was 20 years old, but then I had lost a job I dearly loved in Christian broadcasting. “You’re a woman,” the new owners had said, and they let me go.

My dad had then insisted that I get a law degree. “You have to support yourself,” he’d said. 

But I wanted to write for the Lord. 

Even so, I knew I didn’t belong in that class. Writers were special. 

Pursuing a passion requires a type of believing in yourself that isn’t easy. In fact, as many as 85 percent of adults worldwide are thought to have low self-esteem according to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Guttman, writing for “Psychology Today” in 2019.

Scripture tells us of such a man with low self-worth. A fisherman. He was tired after working a long night. He was also frustrated, having lowered his nets again and again without a single catch.   

The night had passed, and the next day Jesus told Peter to go forth on the sea. But Peter felt certain it was futile. Here’s the passage. 

“(Jesus) said to Simon, ‘Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.’ Simon responded and said, ‘Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.’ And when they had done this, they caught a great quantity of fish, and their nets began to tear; so they signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both of the boats, to the point that they were sinking” (Luke 5:4-7).

When Jesus told Peter to move out into the water and let down his nets, fortune came to Peter, so large that Peter’s boat could not carry the haul of fish. Not even a second boat could bring in the load. And remember, these were not ordinary vessels. Both were fishing boats, designed to carry a large catch. 

Do you recall what happened next? Surely Peter thanked Jesus and celebrated. Right?

Not at all.

Peter’s response is unexpected and deeply important. Here’s the whole passage.

“(Jesus) said to Simon, ‘Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.’ Simon responded and said, ‘Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.’ And when they had done this, they caught a great quantity of fish, and their nets began to tear; so they signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both of the boats, to the point that they were sinking.

“But when Simon Peter saw this, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, ‘Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man’” (Luke 5:4-8).

Peter fell to his knees, asking Jesus to leave him. Peter believed he was too inferior to be with One such as the Lord. Peter was saying, “I’m not good enough!” 

Jesus stood in the midst of the catch that had overwhelmed Peter, and the Lord told Peter he had a role to play for the kingdom of God. Within a few years and with no education, Peter would stand before vast crowds of refined people in Jerusalem and bring 5,000 to Christ (Acts 2-4).

But that day on the Sea of Galilee, Peter had said, “I’m not good enough.” 

Standing in the college hallway years ago, I had said the same thing. “I’m not good enough.” 

Many Christians think far worse of themselves. They say, “I’m nothing.” Why would 85 percent of the world’s population have low self-esteem? 

Many psychologists think it forms during childhood—perhaps from bullying or a lack of security at home.

But Jesus chose you as surely as He chose Peter. God gave you a gift to use for the kingdom of God. 

Don’t dismiss your dream. Don’t let your child or grandchild shrink from pursuing their passion. The powers of darkness want you to think you’re not good enough. But Jesus said to Peter, “Do not fear…” He says the same to you.

I stood in that hall and cried. Then I lifted my eyes to God and walked into that classroom.

Stay close to the Lord. With Jesus, you will find your way.

The Rev. Mathews (BA, MDiv, JD) is a newspaper faith columnist and the author of Reaching to God and Emerald Coast: The Vendetta. Contact her at Hello@RAMathews.com. 

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